You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
