So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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