Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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