I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Even my vagina gasped.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
