I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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