I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
