if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
