I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
