Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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