Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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