OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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