Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This girl is more easily done than said...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
