6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
time to smoke my breakfast
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
