she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
