So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
