dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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