I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
