HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
