i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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