At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He shit in the fireplace
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
