I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
