so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize