He is such a slut. More and more my type.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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