You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
