My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I party with great urgency now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
