Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
