he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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