It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
