is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
