the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
accomplished twins. life is a go
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
