You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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