we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
