his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
