u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
