I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
