I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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