I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
