piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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