Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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