Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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