Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
