We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
