I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
