new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
