He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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