i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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