Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(830): View more from Texas

You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

Fav 7 1188 2027
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(301): View more from Maryland

She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

Fav 32 1095 4403
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(281): View more from Texas

And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.

Fav 3 1630 770
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.

Fav 1 372 191
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(850): View more from Florida

dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers

Fav 0 39 7
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