There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize