I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drake has all the answers
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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