It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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