I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
