he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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