Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
