Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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