the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
