I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's Friday. Sex?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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