Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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