Cold hands, warm shart.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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