Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
