So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
