His pubic hair was longer than his dick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
