there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
