that's an acceptable place to lick
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
