lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
