dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
