I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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