Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sorry about my life...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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