If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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