Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
