Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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